FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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