Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
wow bdsm is so cute
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
