Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
