he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
