How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
