I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
