everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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