Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
