When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
