Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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