im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
