I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
