did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
