it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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