nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
