I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
