my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
