your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
