This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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