even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
