Will you blow on my dice?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
