i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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