Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
