i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm both gender and math confused
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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