I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
