Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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