They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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