His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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