my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
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