I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
