based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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