oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
