Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
