I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
