Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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