I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
