My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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