i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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