He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
