I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
