Well douche your snatch and let's go!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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