I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
