The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize