This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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