Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
