My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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