There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
