I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
