i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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