Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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