You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
