I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize