Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
