Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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