i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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