So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
