walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
