...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize