You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
