and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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