Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
