i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize