I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
