i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
