Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
