Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
