just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
