you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
