guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize