I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize