Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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