when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
