Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
