I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
