My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
