The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
