I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
