A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i was born a porn star she said
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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